Finals season is a rough time of year for everyone. If leaving sacrifices to Testudo isn’t feeling like enough to get you through it this time, and the last five cocktails I gave you didn’t work, maybe these five will.

Dark ‘n’ Stormy (time for my grades)

This classic only requires three ingredients: 2oz dark rum, 3.5oz ginger beer, and some lime juice. For a twist, add a dash of Chesapeake Bay water. We recommend mixing it as a form of procrastination as we get ready to brave the seas full of projects, papers, and problem sets… all while our grades sink to the bottom.

The McKeldin IPA

Technically not a cocktail, this IPA is a hidden gem in the campus brewery scene. Fermented by master-brewer Drew Peacock in one of McKeldin Library’s very own study carrels — what else did you think was behind those “occupied” signs — this IPA is hazy and full-bodied with a silky mouthfeel. With hints of citrus and grapefruit, it’s cool, hip, and totally sophisticated. 

The Old Bay

Open your cupboards and retrieve your trusty tin of Old Bay (I know you have one). Measure out five shots of your choice of liquor — we recommend your cheapest, but you could also double down with Old Bay vodka — close the lid and give a vigorous shake. Pop the top, add a raw crab leg for garnish, and enjoy, because for you Marylanders, Old Bay makes everything better.

Kiss-Me-I’m-A-Senior

A deliciously fruity concoction, mix 1.5 oz vodka, 1.5 oz orange juice, 1.5 oz cranberry juice, and half an ounce of peach schnapps in a cute little glass, making sure to garnish with cherries and an orange slice for the added Vitamin C. With only a hint of mono, this cocktail is popular among students wearing a red pin-button on their backpack. 

Burnout Bourbon

For our final cocktail, you’ll need a bourbon of your choice, lemon juice, oh, also simple syrup, and an egg, I guess. Pour some of the bourbon… into a shaker… or, just a cup. Just pour it into a cup, guys. A really big one. I’m tired, you’re tired. Four ingredients are so many; all you really need is the bourbon. 

Article Image by Kenlynn Ingham
Cocktail Illustrations (in order of appearance) by Will Pipkin, Parker Johnson, Kenlynn Ingham, Jordyn Cabellon, Gale de Silva