In a Canvas message apologizing to a two-hundred-person lecture, biology major Jeremy Mann clarified that coughing out his entire respiratory tract was, in fact, the result of spring allergies.

After producing a deadly combination of phlegm, saliva, and a lung over a splash radius of two rows, Jeremy reportedly told his classmates that he was planning to “pop a Claritin” after class. 

“I’m not skipping lecture just because of a little pollen in the air,” Jeremy wrote in his message. “And honestly? I feel a lot better after drinking water,” he assured his peers, attaching an image of himself giving a thumbs-up while holding his detached lung. 

In a seemingly unrelated note released to the class twenty minutes later, Professor Klein reminded students to “remain home if you suspect you have a serious illness, as a courtesy to your fellow classmates.” When shown Professor Klein’s reminder, Jeremy mentioned that he didn’t think the message was meant for him because he “wasn’t contagious.”

“I think it’s disgusting and a health hazard for him to come to lecture,” one student said. “Sometimes, I can’t even hear what the professor is saying over all of Jeremy’s coughing.”

Other students are more understanding. “At least we got to see real, breathing lungs in action,” another classmate pointed out. 

Jeremy explained that the negative feedback from his peers led him to change his lifestyle. “They’re right, I guess. Maybe I should take more initiative about my own health to protect myself and the people around me.” When Hare reporters asked what his new plans for living a healthier lifestyle looked like, Jeremy pulled out an Allegra, claiming this new medication was “stronger than Claritin.”

Image Credits: Jordyn Cabellon