INCIDENT: Indecent exposure with study tool demo

OCCURRED: April 27, 2026 (Monday)/ Between 2:15 AM and 2:45 AM

LOCATION: McKeldin Library, University of Maryland, College Park, Maryland 20742

BRIEF DETAILS:

On April 27, 2026, at approximately 3:19 AM, the University of Maryland Police Department (UMPD) was notified about an indecent exposure incident that occurred between 2:15 AM and 2:45 AM on March 31, 2026, at McKeldin Library.

A student (freshman, roughly 5’5”, wearing a “Rick and Morty” sweatshirt with noticeable grease stains) reported to police that he was inside a restroom stall on the 6th floor when the stall door was opened by an unknown man. The suspect (mid-to-late 20’s, approximately 6’3”, slight lazy eye) withdrew crumpled fliers from his back pocket and began advertising his “student-focused AI study tool.”

The ensuing elevator pitch lasted approximately 30 minutes, after which the suspect fled the building, leaving a trail of discarded wintergreen-flavored Zyn nicotine pouches.

A video review of the cameras behind all library bathroom mirrors is underway. Anyone with any information regarding this incident and/or the LinkedIn profile of the suspect is encouraged to contact UMPD. Individuals wishing to provide anonymous tips should grow a pair.

The University of Maryland Police Department, Networking & Douchebaggery Investigations Unit, has been notified and will circle back after they’ve completed their Duo Mobile verification.

When available for release, a composite sketch of the suspect will be uploaded to all UMD-affiliated websites. Dismissing UMPD-related pop-ups on these sites is considered obstruction of justice and will result in academic expulsion and/or indentured servitude.

Image Credits: Parryll Dines