It’s been months since the bathroom has gotten any real use, and that’s sad. The bathroom sits at the very center of the floor, yet the only people that use it are some professors, a couple stray TAs, and that’s it. 

In fact, the bathroom sees more cleaning staff than actual students who use it — let that sink in for a moment. Isn’t that just heartbreaking?

The last time the bathroom saw some real action was in 2014, when some grad students holed up in an office to watch the World Cup and needed to pee during half-time. But even that was only a couple bathroom breaks after drinking a few beers.

Sure, if it was the Kirwan Hall basement bathroom, then it would get some serious use. Students come and go every day from the basement, going to class, the STEM library, or wherever else. The Kirwan Taco Bell is also close by, making the basement bathroom a great next stop.

But just because the fourth-floor bathroom had the misfortune of being born on the fourth floor, it’s relegated to a life of loneliness. It makes the bathroom want to sing.

In a way, it shouldn’t complain. The bathroom has a simple life on the fourth floor. But what if it could be doing more? I mean, this bathroom is old, but it’s still top of the line — it just got two dual-flush toilets, new mirrors, and an automatic hand dryer. Why can’t it be the top bathroom on campus?

That’s just the way life is. Rockstars of the bathroom world, like ESJ 1219, get hundreds of students flowing out of a lecture hall and onto its toilets. These students, after chugging coffee and energy drinks to stay awake during lecture, are primed and ready to go once the lecture ends. Oh, to get a fraction of the usage of an ESJ bathroom!

Alas, it could be worse. Think of the Cole Field House bathrooms. Those bathrooms had 40 toilets each. They served thousands and thousands of fans at Maryland basketball games. And after decades of service, they were closed for good. Demolished, never to be seen again.

The Kirwan Hall bathroom won’t meet that fate. However, it will always be relegated to obscurity, only serving the occasional student who chugs a soda and then wanders onto the fourth floor. Barring a major renovation that suddenly transforms the fourth floor of Kirwan Hall into a student hotspot, things will always be the same. It’s lonely. The fourth-floor bathroom is lonely. Oh, how sad it is to be alone!

Image Credits: Jordyn Cabellon