A murder has taken place on campus. Unable to solve the case himself, President Pines has enlisted the help of Detective Harold and his assistant, you. Read the statements from each of the three suspects and use them to answer the clues to the crossword. When you’ve completed the crossword, unscramble the letters in the circled boxes to reveal the murderer and murder weapon. 

March Madness

The body of our university mascot, Testudo, has been found behind the stands after yet another loss for the men’s basketball team. President Pines, who was too busy avoiding the angry crowds to inspect the crime scene, has assigned you and Detective Harold to the case.

Ann Gryfan

“I hope he went fearlessly forward into the light,” sighed Ann. “What do you think turtle heaven is like? Lettuce and a big pond? Maybe a spa.” Did she have any guesses as to the killer? “You should look into #67, Badat. He’s totally vain and adds nothing to our team.” But did he have a problem with the mascot? “Oh yeah, he totally had beef with Testudo. Said the turtle didn’t hype us fans up enough at the games, used to obsess about how it threw off his mojo. Which is crazy because Badat is a total bench-warmer. There was no ‘mojo’ to throw off. His ‘high-octane’ efforts are gonna get him an early career ender.”

Badat Ball

“Look, I’m just gassed, okay! I got like, a full minute on the court this time!” protested Badat. “Testudo is a real bro, I wouldn’t harm a scute on his big beaked head.” Did he know who might? “You didn’t hear it from me, but I’d check out Coach Bul. His vibes have been rancid every time I ask ‘bout getting more play time. He keeps telling me to ‘run lines’ and that I’m ‘looking into the yawning abyss of a mid career.’” What could the coach have against the mascot? “You know those rubber sticky hands? It was totally a joke, but at the last game Testudo slapped Coach Bul’s shiny bald head with one. Dude looked like a deer in the headlights, thought he was gonna cry even if he tried to feign like he was fine. It was like, the slap heard round the world.”

Coach Terry Bul

“My head isn’t shiny, it’s luminous,” stated Coach Bul. “Look, the mascot may have annoyed me, but do you know how much they pay me? I’m not risking a $29 million dollar contract on an oversized terrapin.” Did he know who would? “That Gryfan girl. She used to be a member of the band before he hit her in the face with a hot dog once, during the toss. Still don’t know who gave the turtle the gun.” Was that enough motive for murder? “She probably thought so. Whole stadium was at a fever-pitch, burst into laughter and security had to escort her out when she tried to jump the wall to hit him with her oboe. Testudo probably rues the day he pulled the trigger.”

ACROSS

2 Yawning what of a career
4 Nothing to throw off
6 An ender, but not late
9 Court time
11 The vibes
12 Rhymes with 13 down
15 Jumped in pursuit
17 The slap was what
19 Contract value
20 Not enough hype
21 Woodwind weaponry
22 Team jersey
23 He doesn’t do this, he subtracts instead
25 Not shiny
27 The seats would never be cold

DOWN

1 The pitch of the stadium before it laughed
3 Part of the big head
5 Her perception of gassed efforts
7 The incident was heard
8 The kind of meat he had with Testudo
9 His career
10 The offending rubber appendage
13 What she thinks of him
14 The bullet
16 Running these
18 Used to do this over 4 across
20 Forward into the light, but lessly
24 In the headlights
26 Turtle heaven had this

Link to live puzzle

SPOILERS: Answer Key+

Ann with a foam finger

Image Credits: Kenlynn Ingham