THE FLOOR RIGHT ABOVE YOURS — From the makers of hits like “partying til 6 AM” and “accidentally walking into your living room,” Your Upstairs Neighbors LLC have just released a new title sure to receive mainstream acclaim. “The Stomping Game” is the next invention in their line of bits that are sure to make you lose your absolute mind.

The rules of the game are simple. First, you get all of your roommates together in the living room. Next, you all stomp repeatedly, with all of your weight, as loud as you possibly can. Finally, repeat. It’s so easy to pick up, anyone can do it!

“Genuinely what the hell is going on up there,” remarked one victim of The Stomping Game, junior Psychology major Canthan DeNoise. “I haven’t been able to sleep in days. Like seriously, I’m going to report you guys.”

That’s where DeNoise is wrong. You see, your shitty apartment building was constructed so poorly that any noise, even just walking with a slightly heavy foot, can be heard throughout the entire complex. Did somebody say plausible deniability? Plus, everybody plays the stomping game; you might as well just join in!

“We’re looking into this very serious matter,” said your apartment’s general manager in a written statement to The Hare. Unfortunately, your apartment building just got sold from one giant corporate landlord to another giant corporate landlord, so your manager has more important things to be looking into.

Image Credits: Jordyn Cabellon