In an unprecedented move, semi-beloved College Park bar, Cornerstone Grill & Loft, has announced that they will no longer serve alcohol to minors. This has caused outcry amongst North campus communities, leading to hundreds of UMD students organizing outside of College Park’s city hall in protest, across the street from Cornerstone.

“Human rights aren’t optional!” shouted one student over a megaphone. Another held a sign that read: “Oppression anywhere threatens freedom everywhere.” One baby-faced student approached our Hare reporter, “I paid good money for this fake ID! I should be able to use it!” Upon further inspection, said ID was torn in two pieces, held together by stapled-on laminate, and clearly on its last legs.

UMD fraternity members also had complaints. “Where else are we gonna find the fruzz at?” said Prett Ator. “Yuhhhhh”, others said in agreement. When asked what the term ‘fruzz’ meant, he responded, “They’re 18 bro, they can make their own decisions”. Our reporter later learned that Mr. Ator is a 32-year-old general business major in his 7th year at UMD.

We also questioned policemen on the scene about the underage drinking problem in College Park. “I literally couldn’t care less”, said one officer. “I get paid to sit on Route One with my lights on. I’m not getting out of my car for shit, it’s cold out there!” Another pretended not to notice us when we knocked on their car window for a comment.

UMD has also made changes to campus operations following the announcement. Notably, the 115 bus line has been canceled due to a projected lack of demand. Lord knows nobody is going down there for Turf’s. Additionally, a rollercoaster-style queue is being built outside of Looney’s as lines are expected to stretch down Route One in the coming weeks.

Just a week after the change was put in place, Cornerstone announced that it would be closing its doors for good after being bought by a real estate developer. A high-rise luxury apartment will be replacing it, and somehow, this will make College Park rent prices continue to rise. Have fun at your house parties, y’all.

Image Credits: Zachary Robinson