This article will be updated with each round of the NCAA Men’s Basketball tournament, so check back every once in a while! We’ll be re-capping every round of the tournament as it progresses, offering useful (don’t question it) insights on the game.

Super Terrapins 64: (13) Grand Canyon Antelopes Vs. (4) Maryland Terrapins: 49 – 81 

From hearing the commentators call our performance after our loss to Michigan at the Big Ten Tourney “embarrassing”, to watching us MURDER an innocent Arizona school on live television, we’re officially in that “we’re so back” part of the graph again. Breaking school records for highest score during the NCAA tournament and best overall three point scoring for the entire season is nothing to sneeze at either. The Terps recovered from a somewhat sloppy offensive start within the first five minutes of the game, peeling far ahead with a lead of 14 points by halftime, but maintained a virtually impenetrable, iron-wall defense throughout the entire game. The ‘Lopes proved to be a very squishy punching bag for the Terps, which, let’s face it, we definitely needed after getting humbled by a last-minute Michigan school victory TWICE in one season. Now excuse me while I find a good place to hang up this mounted antelope head on my mantle.

32 Cases of Deja-Vu: (12) Colorado State Rams Vs. (4) Maryland Terrapins: 71 – 72

The Rams couldn’t Dodge a loss, but at what cost (everyone’s blood pressure)? The Terps once again walked a dangerous line between not knowing how to play offense and locking the hell in to sink insane threes throughout the entire game, giving Colorado State a false sense of security. This reckless behavior ONCE AGAIN had us chewing at the bloodied stumps that would be our fingernails watching as the Terps were set to once again suffer a last-minute, beyond half court, three pointer to win the game. But then, a miracle happened. DEREK. MOTHERFUCKING. QUEEN. The Crab Five seems more like the Crab One plus Four because someone snorted a line of Old Bay during the timeout and went crab mode in to win the game within the final three seconds. Thank God Kevin Willard kept his mouth shut just enough for us to let our secret weapon loose, or we would have been haunted with yet another buzzer beater beatdown. This ram’s head is going to look fantastic mounted right next to the antelope for sure.

(Alli)Gator Bites Never Heal?: Future Outlooks for (1) Florida Gators Vs. (4) Maryland Terrapins

Fortunately for the Terps, we’re out of range of any major mitten-state-shaped threats in the West Regional Division (why is Michigan shaped like that anyways), but beyond the round of 32, we’re set to face one hell of a juggernaut team in our path: the first-seed Florida Gators. With a bevy of NCAA bias on their side, the Gators had a bit of a run for their money against last year’s tourney-winning, eighth-seed, UConn Huskies, but managed to pull through with a good lead in the last two minutes. The Gators looked a bit rusty coming out of that game, and that rust might be just the thing UMD needs to pull forth a win. However, another buzzer-beater scenario isn’t out of the cards, and I’m not sure audience members with high blood pressure will survive this next bout. All I know is that I need a new pair of alligator-leather cowboy boots.

In other news, with second-seed Texas Tech hot off of ruining tenth-seed Drake’s career like Kendrick at this year’s Super Bowl, there’s no doubt that the bracket beyond the round of 16 will be a tough ride, so it’s time to squabble up.

Image Credits: Devon Wilkes