Moments after being accepted into the University of Maryland’s A. James Clark School of Engineering, freshman student Martin Grumman found that every one of his hair follicles had violently erupted off of his head, leaving him completely bald. 

Grumman first applied to UMD as an undecided major. He first thought of becoming an engineering major after a MechE upperclassman friend of his secured a six-figure job before graduating. When he learned about how defense companies lobbied Congress to join wars, he knew it was the major for him. The final nail in the coffin was when he watched a Raytheon drone blow up an office building that was definitely, without a doubt, a terrorist base. It was that very night that he applied to be a Mechanical Engineering major. 

After 2 whole forms and a few weeks of patience, he had gotten that fateful UMD email: 

Dear Martin Grumman, 

Congratulations! We are pleased to inform you that your application to the A. James Clark School of Engineering has been reviewed for the Spring 2025 semester, and you are eligible to have your major changed. The Clark School looks forward to welcoming you to our college and helping you continue on your path to academic success.

Grumman was ecstatic and excited to start his journey as an engineering major. However, mere moments later, tragedy struck! Grumman’s head had ejected every single strand of hair from his head leaving him completely bald! Grumman immediately dialed 911 into his Samsung Galaxy S25 Ultra. After getting to the hospital, the doctors confirmed that he had a mild case of engineering-induced alopecia, an incurable disease that infects 1 in 3 engineering majors worldwide. 

“I couldn’t believe that something so sad could happen to me!” Grumman recalled in a later interview. “Just because I became an engineering major, I had to lose my hair? There are many pains that man can endure in this cursed world. I could have lost an arm. I could have lost my eyes, I could have even lost my virginity, but no, I had to lose my hair. Such a cruel world.” 

Grumman eventually regained his composure after realizing that his favorite fictional characters and role models were all bald, saying that he was “proud that he could be more like his childhood heroes Lex Luthor, Red Skull, and Thanos.”

Time will tell how this disability will impact Grumman’s goals of becoming a defense executive, but fortunately, or unfortunately, he already looks the part.

Image Credits: Raeid Raunak