Finals season is a rough time of year for everyone. If leaving sacrifices to Testudo isn’t feeling like enough to get you through it this time, maybe these five cocktails will. 

The Zesty Grover

A favorite here at The Hare, the Zesty Grover was created by a staff member while in a drunken haze of genius. Mixing half vodka, half grapefruit juice, and a shit ton of hubris, this staff member is 100% positive they’re the first person in history to create this cocktail.

Girl Dinner: The Cocktail

You’ve heard of girl dinner, now get ready for Girl Dinner: The Cocktail. You just got back from an evening final, the liquor stores are closed, and you’re out of beer. You go to your pantry and pull out uhh… the last two shots of your cheap rum, a candy apple lollipop… and um, warm Fanta you forgot you had? You smash the lollipop, put everything in a shaker, and then down it in one go. You probably don’t want to stop and savor this one.

The MATH140

Causing sleepless nights and nervous breakdowns since 1892, the MATH140 is a UMD classic. Place some sugar in a glass and saturate with bitters. We suggest student tears shed over the course of the disastrous final you just took. Add some ice and 45 ml of bourbon (and then some; who are we kidding, you’re going to need it). If you’re feeling really fancy and not at all like the world is ending, add an orange peel for garnish. 

The Turtle Shell

This cocktail recipe came straight from Testudo themself, given to me in exchange for another bottle of cheap Costco vodka at the foot of their pedestal. One part testudo lager, one part dirty pond water, and two parts rum, this cocktail is served in a turtle shell with a colorful straw and little Hawaiian umbrella. 

The Lemon Drop(out of CMSC250)

Now that you’ve dropped out of CMSC250 and submitted your paperwork for a major change to InfoSci, mix 30 ml of vodka citron, 20 ml triple sec, and 15 ml fresh lemon juice for a cocktail that tastes just as bitter as you’re probably feeling. 

Image Credits: Kenlynn Ingham