Freshman: Fat Snacking Squirrel

Ahhh freshman year! The time when everyone gets their first taste of independence, escaping from the grasp of their parents’… home-cooked meals? Much like the Fat Snacking Squirrel, as freshmen, the first thing we do with our newfound freedom is to gorge ourselves on greasy, unhealthy dining hall quesadillas and pizza, both of which we at The Hare swear contain more oil than food. The Fat Snacking Squirrel truly embodies the spirit of the Freshman 15.

Sophomore: Splat Squirrel

Sophomore year, the year most of us truly get started on our majors and get into the peak of weedout classes. Much like the Splat Squirrel, sophomores are holding onto dear life as their classes increase at a breakneck pace. You think your freshman year classes were hard? Well hold on tight, the ride has only just begun! Be ready to spend most of your days in McKeldin, but hey, at least they have nap pods…

Junior: Desperate Squirrel

Junior Year! The time when most of us start scrambling for internships, whether it be a repeat internship or a last-ditch scramble for experience before their final year. Wait, internships? In this economy? Hahahahaha. Much like the Desperate Squirrel, so hungry for food that they gorge on a paper towel, as Juniors we are desperate for even the most basic amount of experience and will take all kinds of trash.

Senior:Bad Back Squirrel

Senior Year, the year we finally become old! All those young whipper snappers need to stay off my lawn. AWK my back is killing me! Much like the Bad Back Squirrel, we are done with life. We are getting too old for this nonsense, and we are just counting down the days till we are out. Hopefully, when we pass (into the workforce), the next generation will remember us.

HONORABLE EXTRAS:

Freshman Connection: Angry Yearning Squirrel

FC students, treated as second class citizens by the University, are forced into evening classes for their first semester and given the absolutely worst possible registration date for their second. Much like the Angry Yearning Squirrel stares at us longingly as they see us munch on our diner cookies, those in Freshman Connection envy their non-FC counterparts, yearning to make it to their club meetings and hope to be allowed to eat dinner for the day.

UMD Administration: Evil Conniving Squirrel

Do we really need to explain this? The Evil Conniving Squirrel is the true embodiment of the UMD Administration, as they carefully devise masterful plans to screw over as many students as possible in the worst possible way. Whether it be tuition hikes disguised as “necessary improvements” or “mandatory service fees” for things we never use, you can always count on the UMD Administration to have your worst interests at heart.

Squirrel Photos and Videos by: Mohit Bogineni

Image Credits: Clare Dombrosky