Once every four years, Americans have to go through an anxiety-inducing, argument-sparking event we call election day. Not to worry, dear reader, we have your back! The Hare does its best to be nonpartisan, meaning that whether you’re voting for Kamala Harris, the wrong one, or a third-party candidate, this guide is for you. Without further ado, here is a comprehensive list of things you can do to avoid the arguments and anxiety when election day rolls around once more.

1. Make sure that you don’t look at any digital devices at all costs.

Cut the wires to your television, throw your phone off the balcony of McKeldin library, but whatever you do — do. not. check. your. devices. While you’re at it, avoid newspapers, magazines, and any form of communication with the outside world.

2. If you can’t let go of your phone, at least stay off of Twitter.

This should be a given, but some people need the reminder. Everyone on there seems to have an opinion on everything all of the time. Yet somehow, most of the opinions are still awful, so just do yourself a favor and delete the app. Also, yes, I refuse to call it X. I’m not bowing down to Elon Musk.

3. Go to Looney’s!

Luckily for College Park students, election day falls on a Tuesday and you know what that means… Looney Tuesdays! The only time where it’s not concerning that you’re getting absolutely wasted in the middle of the week. Do some trivia on an obscure topic, hang out with people, black out and wake up in the middle of the engineering field at 6 am — whatever floats your boat.

4. Delusion.

Remember, delusion is the solution! It’s completely reasonable and normal to turn off all of the lights in your apartment, curl into a ball, and pretend that it’s 2009 again and that eggs aren’t $7. Just don’t go shopping that day — it may ruin the fantasy.

5. Do your homework to avoid thinking about your life.

Since you can’t do your favorite activities like doom scrolling on TikTok or getting into an argument with a 30-year-old on Twitter, I’m afraid that you may be forced to actually do your schoolwork for once as a distraction. Unless you’re a government and politics major, in which case I have some bad news.

6. Go out and vote, goddammit!

Despite wanting to spend the day locked in your room, you should still probably venture out at some point to do your civic duty. Even if it’s while wrapped in a blanket silently cursing the Founding Fathers, just make sure you get your ballot in the box by 8 pm on Tuesday. 

That’s it, Terps! We hope these six tips help you make it through election day without losing your mind completely. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go dump my laptop into Lake Artemesia. For mental health reasons.

Image Credits: Kenlynn Ingham