It’s that time of the year again, Terps – when we all sit eagerly on the edges of our seats awaiting the release of the next Public University Ranking Chart. And the Forbes Top Colleges have never been more exciting than they are right now! This year, the University of Maryland was proud to announce that it is now the number one public university in America. 

“This is an award we must accept with honor and humility,” said University President Darryll Pines. “This is the product of many years of fearlessly forward innovations on campus and nothing else. No other reason, and it’s definitely not because of the curve. We won this fair and square.” Pines then hopped on a VEO scooter and zipped away before we could ask any follow-up questions. 

Now, while this may seem suspicious – be not afraid! UMD has rightfully earned its top spot in the rankings! Starting this year, the Forbes algorithm will take into consideration the performance of other schools in the same category on multiple levels. This means that while UMD may not be quite up to scratch with some other programs out in California, we still are doing better than the bottom 70% of the class in key areas such as “Maryland Pride” and “Swag.” It is unclear whether these metrics are the same ones applied to all other schools, but it seems like everyone else is just not on our level. 

The new curve has been designed to accommodate differences between all universities and to even the playing field among smaller flagship institutions and top research programs across the country. Regardless, it is safe to say that UMD is just better than everyone else. According to the curve, that is. 

Image Credits: Kenlynn Ingham