PATUXENT BUILDING – The University of Maryland’s Division of Information Technology announced they had completed development on a generative artificial intelligence chatbot entitled StopUsingChatGPTGPT and will soon be making it available to the entire UMD community.

Employees of the Division of IT were invited by themselves to speak about the project during select lectures this past Wednesday. Students attending class sections where these presentations took place were given a demo of how the new GPT (Get Pwned Terps) could assist them with queries about course material and procedures.

“I can’t always say this about the trend-chasing this school seems to have a habit of doing, but SUC-GG actually sounds pretty handy,” student Reginald X. Prussian (CompSci ‘25) admitted while snickering slightly. “It can tell you what’s on the syllabus so you don’t have to go back and flip through it, and it can also…it can also, uh…” he described. “I think it…um…so, it knows what’s on the syllabus, but it also…uh, it also…” he added.

Division of IT software engineer and AI project lead Absul Lutfols personally delivered one of the presentations during a class at the Robert H. Smith School of Business, the professor of which could be seen in the front row of seating angrily rearranging his lecture material schedule on his laptop. A business student and UMD Hare affiliate contact was present at the lecture and just sober enough to be able to transcribe the project lead’s main points.

“Stop doing ChatGPT,” Lutfols demanded with a slam of his hands onto the table in front of him, startling several students awake. “Students were not supposed to be given robots. You want to understand your class material?! We had a tool for that: it was called books. ‘Yes, please give me a large language model!’” he quoted hypothetically. “‘Please give me a generative pre-trained transformer!’ Those are statements dreamed up by the utterly deranged.”

StopUsingChatGPTGPT, which completed a Turing test with a rating of “NaN” (Neat and Nice), has received initial praise for enabling the university to do what everybody else is doing right now. However, the Division of IT has received accusations of entrapment due to fears that the AI will be used to justify academic dishonesty cases against students for the “unauthorized use of AI materials.” Advocates against the use of technology for violating anonymity have declared their disapproval of the new AI via social media posts made under their real names.

When queried for comments by Hare information technicians, StopUsingChatGPTGPT replied, “Sorry, it looks like I don’t have enough information to answer that question.”

Image Credits: Will Hammann