COLLEGE PARK- The E.A. Fernandez IDEA Factory produced its first ever idea this morning.

The idea came from Connor White, a sophomore Computer Science major, who proposed a novel “3D-printed robotic quantum blockchain AI platform.”

Dozens gathered outside the IDEA Factory to cheer on Mr. White, who emerged from the building wearing a free Amazon t-shirt and cargo shorts, with an empty can of Celsius from the IDEA Cafe in his hand. When interviewed, Mr. White told the Hare, “Yeah, I was just, like, studying in there, then it hit me, you know what I’m saying? I’m gonna get so much seed money from this.” Mr. White then turned from the crowd, rented a Veo scooter, and rode across the street to the Iribe, since CMSC351 office hours started in two minutes and he was already failing.

The E.A. Fernandez IDEA Factory opened in 2022. Despite its name, not a single idea had been produced within its walls until today.

“Us Shellers have had a bunch of ideas before,” said Brendan Campbell, a member of the Startup Shell located on the first floor. “But ever since we moved into the IDEA Factory, I don’t know. I mean, like, we got these sick VR headsets up in here, and there’s a Mario Kart tournament every week, and– what were we talking about, again?”

The $67 million dollar building is the only one at UMD to be funded entirely by private donations, meaning some donors have been waiting years for an idea. Although there was rejoicing when the first idea arrived earlier today, other donors were less enthusiastic.

“Took them long enough. You know how many fucking maker spaces we put in that thing? And they finally come up with some bullshit a year later,” said Joseph R. Kaplan ‘73, a UMD alumnus and supporter of the IDEA Factory. “We put dichroic glass in that building. Dichroic– what? You know the glass on the outside that changes color, and it turns all pink and green, and– nevermind.”

“Guys, we just wanted you to bomb the shit out of civilians,” said a Lockheed Martin representative. “What did you think the fucking 4th floor helicopter lab was for?”

Others, however, were more thrilled with the news.

“We’re so Xcitied that an Xtrapeneuer such as Connor White invented this Xtraordinary idea,” said Xavier Xanax, CEO and founder of UMD’s xFoundry. “This idea will Xtend the already Xtreme growth of the xFoundry, and we’re just Xtatic.”

Although students and alumni alike were relieved this morning, many wondered when the second idea would be produced. “It could be years,” said Aylin Kocoglu, director of the Idea Factory.

At press time, The Hare learned that the reason for the delays was a broken IDEA machine that was hit during construction. UMD is requesting an additional $10 million to cover the cost of repairs.

Image Credits: Zachary Robinson