Earlier this week, the masked vigilante known as Batman was found dead in Mowatt Lane Parking Garage by University of Maryland Police. Police found the Gothamite legend lying on the ground next to his vehicle, dubbed the “Batmobile,” which had its tires removed.

The theft of the Batmobile’s tires is just one of many in a recent slew of crimes in College Park. However, this was the first time a fatality occurred in connection to tire thefts. Bioterrorism major Ted Cranberry saw the crime unfold.

“At first, I saw like four guys roll up next to the uhh… tank thing,” said Cranberry, “next thing I know, there’s this guy walking out from the shadows in a bat costume. I don’t even know how there were shadows there; it was a very well-lit corner. He just kinda showed up.”

Cranberry reports seeing Batman attempting to recruit one of the tire thieves. After failing to find his next Robin, the vigilante was beaten up and stabbed 69 times. The assailants then sped off in a black SUV.

Paramedics arrived on the scene soon after but could not stabilize Batman. With his dying breath, the Dark Knight whispered, “Fuck, this is so much worse than Gotham.” He was pronounced dead at the scene of the crime.

According to police, Batman’s appearance in Maryland was motivated by his quest to defeat the supervillain Moleman, also known as Darryll Pines. Unfortunately for both the university and Batman, he was unsuccessful in his crusade.

Following his death, many began speculating on the identity of Batman. Police attempted to remove the cowl but quickly discovered it was boobie trapped with a taser. UMPD then tried to run the Batmobile’s license plate, but it had also been stolen. Upon returning to their vehicles, officers found that their tires were missing.

Image Credits: Helen Hutchinson