UNIVERSITY OF MARYLAND, COLLEGE PARK–The UMD Career Fair is an annual event aimed at connecting hopeful students with potential job opportunities. While some companies consistently attend, there are always some new faces, with this year featuring an appearance by famed business mogul and multizillionaire Aloysius O’Hare.

Fair-goers first spotted O’Hare when a blimp with his face on it floated into McKeldin mall before he and two bodyguards jetpacked to the ground, assembled a tent, and began trying to recruit nearby students for his air-selling business. He had this to say to interviewers when questioned:

“After a brief inconvenience with my last startup over in Thneedville, I need some new employees to get the business rolling again. Now, we’d obviously need some engineers to make the air bottlers, but it takes a village. We have some open positions in management, plus we’d definitely need a few in marketing. Too many folks nowadays want those disgusting trees making their oxygen, so we’d have to sell them on buying from us instead.”

Mr. O’Hare continued for a while, adding that environmental science majors would be ideal for helping him create the most smog-filled skyline possible (to increase demand) and that music majors could help him make a nice jingle for the company. He then took a short break to generously hand out samples of his valuable product to all nearby.

After this, O’Hare suggested that fire protection engineering majors would also be in demand to “keep down some certain tall and green-looking competitors (if you catch my drift).” When informed that fire protection majors were not, in fact, tasked with protecting the fire, Mr. O’Hare seemed disappointed and rescinded his statement. After speaking with interviewers for a few more minutes, O’Hare returned to his tent, where he responded to concerns about his actions’ impact on the Earth by encouraging onlookers to simply “let it die.”

Overall, O’Hare Air seemed an attractive prospect, receiving hundreds of signatures over the course of the day. Still, sandwiched between tents for Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated and King Bowser’s Security and Home Defense, O’Hare Air has some steep competition. Only time will tell which of these several great options would-be employees will choose.

Image Credits: Clare Dombrosky