In a surprising announcement, the University of Maryland has changed all of its Limited Enrollment Programs’ requirements solely to bringing two girls.

“Yeah, just show up with two bitches. It’s the easiest way to do this,” said UMD’s director of undergraduate admissions.

The Department of Undergraduate Admissions claims that they’re just as tired of the stressful LEP application process as students are, and are taking notes from the coveted and equally prestigious organizations on campus—fraternities. Like some frat parties require two girls to get in, LEPs are now requesting applicants do the same.

“Students, rejoice: it’s now a one-step process! Plus, the women in STEM problem will soon be a thing of the past,” said a representative discussing the possible benefits of the change. “‘Bringing two girls’ will ensure that every computer science classroom has a number of women that is plural, and not one or zero.”

A landscape architecture professor says it’s also okay if you bring “two hoes.” A British animal sciences professor adds that it’s “crumpets” to bring “two birds” as well.

The office of undergraduate admissions has a message specifically for any women interested in entering an LEP: “To be clear, if you’re a girl, you don’t need to also bring a guy. Or another girl for that matter. We just want you to be there. Please,” added a male representative while making intense eye contact with me.

Students also report that getting into frat parties has been more difficult than normal lately.

“You wanna get into our parties? You already KNOW your ass needs to have passed Calc 2 with a B- or higher. We don’t want to hang with any lame-asses who don’t know improper integrals,” said Guy Mann of Theta Cosine Theta.

“It’s like we’re always saying: Saturdays are for the studying of infinite geometric series.”

Image Credits: Clare Dombrosky