We are so back, Terps. You might be sick of stars as of late, given the sun is a giant one, and it has been ruining everything lately. But if you’ve got a moment to spare, let the stars that are not burning you alive right now drop some much-needed advice as you begin a new year.

ARIES

You’re either pretending the hot weather outside isn’t bothering you at all, or you’re being overdramatic and letting everyone know how much you hate it. Mars is in a poor aspect to your sign this season, and the small inconveniences are annoying you. Refocus on the bigger picture.

TAURUS

I’m dead serious right now: just drink water. I’d give this advice to anyone on campus right now, given it is hotter than hell outside, but you specifically need it. Two retrogrades in your sign aren’t treating you well, but headaches are temporary. Caffeine ain’t gonna cut it for you right now. Your body cannot survive on Monster Energy alone.

GEMINI

“Okay, this year will be my year,” you tell yourself for the third year in a row. Geminis like to think forward, but you might have a hard time with that during this backwards retrograde period. Try to count your blessings. It could always be worse. You could be going to Towson.

CANCER

Your main character complex might be acting up now that a new school year has rung in. Take that confidence and work with it. Just don’t get too chatty, since Mercury is still in retrograde. Don’t accidentally dump your life story on anyone. Yet.

LEO

Summer’s over, and you’re probably angrier than the average person about it. Leos are naturally creative, so boredom is bad for you. Pick up a hobby. If you end up sucking at it, ice off your fragile ego and find another one.

VIRGO

It is your season, Virgo! If your birthday hasn’t passed yet, the stars have a warning for you. Do not get blackout drunk on your birthday. Not only would it be embarrassing to throw up on your birthday, but Mercury is in retrograde right now, which is a huge thing for Virgos specifically. You might make bad decisions. You might call your ex. Delete their number now.

LIBRA

Look before you fall, Libra. With Mars in your sign this season, you might find yourself feeling restless. Don’t jump the gun on anything. The person who sat by you during your discussion section probably isn’t into you like that.

SCORPIO

Already tired? Me too. Try new things this season to quell your boredom. Take music recommendations from your peers, nab a niche snack from Trader Joe’s, put on a different TV show than the one you’re rewatching for a third time. Why not?

SAGITTARIUS

The last thing you want is a boring day, but it feels impossible to go anywhere, doesn’t it? It’s hot, campus is crowded, and I won’t even get you started on that damn construction wall that prevents you from getting anywhere fast. It might be in your interest to settle down a bit. There’s probably some kind of chore you’ve been putting off, anyway.

CAPRICORN

There’s so much you wanna do this semester, and you’re already stressed about the fact that you haven’t started on anything. Put your schoolwork first, and take it one day at a time. Sleep deprivation doesn’t look great on you.

AQUARIUS

Uranus has just entered a long retrograde period, and you’re not sure how many “It be like that sometimes”s you have left in you. Practice the mythical art of “going outside” (probably after 5 p.m. to avoid boiling to death in this heat). Touch some grass. Breathe some air. See a flower, even. Just get out of your room for a bit.

PISCES

Neptune is in retrograde, and it’s in your sign? Double whammy. This imbalance makes you feel targeted like everything in the world is working against you. It’s not that deep, Pisces. It’s just a tough day. And so was yesterday, and the day before. But won’t it feel nice when it’s over? Trick yourself into being an optimist. Smiling through the bullshit goes a long way.

… Hey, the stars said it. Not me.

Image Credits: Clare Dombrosky