With Pride Month underway, University of Maryland officials have embarked on an ambitious project: painting all the Testudo statues rainbow. This project was created to show solidarity between the University of Maryland and the LGBTQ+ community.

However, concerns are being raised over the militaristic presence of cleaning staff by each of the Testudos. Their mission: to wipe off the rainbow on exactly July 1st at midnight. Students staying on campus for the summer have reported feeling uncomfortable with this measure.

“Yeah, it’s kind of weird to see them standing there silently,” said rising junior Gender Studies major Lez B. Anne. “I walked by one at 3 am once. He was still staring at the statue. I don’t think they sleep.”

Another student, rising sophomore Ace X. Ewell, commented that they’re “just glad UMD isn’t acting like Target and is actually keeping the pride stuff up until July 1st.”

Holding a hose, multiple gallons of liquid soap, and a sponge, the mysterious cleaners remained tight-lipped. They refused to comment besides saying “must adhere to laws of Pride Month” in a flat voice.

When told that Pride Month is a celebration and protest and that there are no laws, the zombie-like cleaners looked bewildered. When further informed that gay people exist outside of the month of June, one of them had a stroke. In related news, UMD is looking to hire a new cleaner as one of the previous ones, Rainn Bo Capitalism, is now hospitalized.

Image Credits: Jesse Martin