COLLEGE PARK, MARYLAND — On Monday, May 8th at 3:38pm, all University of Maryland students received yet another alert detailing not one, but two indecent exposure incidents. Fed up with the current system, a group of students started a petition entitled “REPLACE UMPD WITH THE MYSTERY GANG,” which gained over five thousand signatures in one day. 

“I mean, we honestly had no choice,” President Darryll Pines commented. “The University of Maryland values our students’ opinions. So, with a response that overwhelming, we decided to act. Also, the Mystery Gang is much cheaper! They only cost us fifteen Scooby Snacks.” 

As a result, the Mystery Gang—Fred, Velma, Shaggy, Daphne, and Scooby Doo—left Coolsville and arrived in College Park last Wednesday.

“My team and I are committed to catching the criminals who keep terrorizing this campus! We won’t rest until there are no more indecent exposures and armed robberies,” Fred Jones stated in an interview with the Gang.

“Rhat’s rarmed robbery?” Scooby Doo questioned.

After receiving an explanation and being fed a Scooby Snack-flavored benzodiazepine to calm him down, Doo, Jones and the rest of the team departed to set up a few traps.

In the past week, the Mystery Gang has managed to catch and jail five criminals. Their methods have been a little unorthodox, such as positioning themselves on the roof of Cstone with a large net and using a rope pulley system to yank the offender into the air, but they work better than doing literally nothing. 

When asked for comment while being led away in handcuffs, the latest offender simply stated: “I would’ve gotten away with it, too, if it weren’t for you meddling kids!”

Image Credits: Clare Dombrosky