The University of Maryland is one big ol’ state school, which means that clubs for even the most specific interests can flourish. Looking to find your people? Here are five clubs at UMD that you didn’t even know existed!

1. Rubbing Club You thought this said running club, didn’t you, you big stupid idiot! This is the rubbing club. Many schools have a mascot statue that students rub a certain part of for good luck; at UMD, it’s Testudo’s nose. This frequent exposure to friction results in unattractive shininess in only one spot, and this club is dedicated to rubbing all the other spots. Members are assigned a statue and “rubbing section” that they must attend to for 20 minutes every day. Join soon, because while you may think the genital areas would be last pick, they actually tend to go first!
2. UMD Sneakerheads These hypebeasts and hypebeauties gather in Van Munching Hall every year for their annual shoe-eating competition. Regular meetings are held in the Shoemaker Building.
3. New Jerseyan Students’ Foundation The University of Maryland has a large population of students from New Jersey, and this club aims to provide NJ culture right here in MD! Club outings include going to a local gas station and trying to figure out what the hell to do while Bruce Springsteen’s Greetings from Asbury Park, N.J. plays in the background. These guys love being from New Jersey so much that we may never understand why they went out-of-state!
4. The Bedrockin’ Reds-Tones For some reason, every university seems to have far too many punny-named acapella groups, and UMD is no exception. What sets this group apart from the others? All of the songs they perform are Minecraft parodies! I’m not exactly sure who this club exists for, other than the members of the group themselves, but you know what they say: “If this battle should leave me slain, I know Herobrine will call my name!”
5. UMDmos A portmanteau of “UMD” and “emos,” this club is really underground, so you probably haven’t heard of it. During football games, they meet up in an abandoned classroom and silently listen to American Football (1999). But, like, don’t show up unless you really care about the music, because way too many people have been coming lately and it’s, like, not cool anymore.

So there you have it! Five clubs for a healthy, sane human to join. See you at the next Rubbing Club meeting— I call the anus!

Image Credits: Jesse Martin