1. What are your pronouns?
   1. She/her
   2. He/him
   3. They/them
   4. I don’t have pronouns. Say it to my face.
2. How would your friends describe you?
   1. Whimsical & bovine. 
   2. An alpha.
   3. My friends (who are of both sexes) would describe me as athletic.
   4. I don’t have friends, I have followers.
3. What are your thoughts on nature?
   1. I think it’s the most wonderful thing in the world 🙂 I love everything about it.
   2. Honestly, I kind of hate nature. I’m not gonna lie, I don’t even like how grass feels.
   3. I love going outside because I can run!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
   4. I like the air because it’s peaceful. Just me and my thoughts. No bullshit.
4. What’s your ideal romantic partner like?
   1. I don’t know, I just go off of vibes and trust my inner spiritual compass. I also kind of have a thing for furries, specifically people whose fursona is a cow.
   2. Female.
   3. No specific preference, just someone who, someday, will run down the aisle to me!
   4. I got married at 19.
5. Which language would you most like to learn?
   1. Animal whispering
   2. Fortran
   3. Russian
   4. Morse code
6. What kind of music do you enjoy listening to?
   1. I exclusively listen to nature sounds and the Spotify playlists “ethereal,” “pollen,” and “golden hour.”
   2. Finance podcasts.
   3. The openers on albums; I tend to enjoy them much more than the rest of the songs.
   4. Marching band renditions of pop songs.

1. She/her
2. He/him
3. They/them
4. I don’t have pronouns. Say it to my face.

1. Whimsical & bovine. 
2. An alpha.
3. My friends (who are of both sexes) would describe me as athletic.
4. I don’t have friends, I have followers.

1. I think it’s the most wonderful thing in the world 🙂 I love everything about it.
2. Honestly, I kind of hate nature. I’m not gonna lie, I don’t even like how grass feels.
3. I love going outside because I can run!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
4. I like the air because it’s peaceful. Just me and my thoughts. No bullshit.

1. I don’t know, I just go off of vibes and trust my inner spiritual compass. I also kind of have a thing for furries, specifically people whose fursona is a cow.
2. Female.
3. No specific preference, just someone who, someday, will run down the aisle to me!
4. I got married at 19.

1. Animal whispering
2. Fortran
3. Russian
4. Morse code

1. I exclusively listen to nature sounds and the Spotify playlists “ethereal,” “pollen,” and “golden hour.”
2. Finance podcasts.
3. The openers on albums; I tend to enjoy them much more than the rest of the songs.
4. Marching band renditions of pop songs.

Mostly A’s: ANSC120, Introduction to Dairy Judging. This course teaches the basics of dairy judging, which is not about milk, but more similar to a dog show for cows. This includes how to “evaluate dairy cattle for soundness,” presumably by smacking them and listening for how hollow-sounding they are, like a watermelon. You have a sense of curiosity about the world, much like someone who would want to learn about cattles’ “show-ring appeal.” While you have insecurities, you’re committed to self-improvement and are a “glass of milk half-full” kind of person—perfect for Introduction to Dairy Judging, which promises to help students “gain confidence in public speaking.”

Mostly B’s: CMSC289F, Introduction to Blockchain and Cryptocurrency. By some mathematical miracle, there are actually a negative amount of women enrolled in this course. In this course, students learn about the most up-and-coming forms of cryptocurrency, such as “COIN,” the currency that you can own as three white indie pop guys. You have high standards, just like how this 1-credit class has multiple 200-level CMSC prerequisites. You think of yourself as highly intelligent, well, because you are; not everyone just gets COIN.

Mostly C’s: KNES131N, Physical Education Activities: Coed; Jogging (beginning). Um, who said being a Kinesiology major was easy? This class is literally called Physical Education Activities: Coed; Jogging (beginning). While kinesiology degrees are anything but easy, you’re easy-going, friendly, and extroverted. People flock to you like runners flock to polyester, highlighter-colored, reflective outfits.

Mostly D’s: ARSC059, Air Force Officer Lab. Truly stretching the limits of what is considered a lab, this class is exclusively for AFROTC cadets and space cadets. Your peers say you’re about as memorable as a class that’s “repeatable up to 10 credits” and “does not carry any credit towards any degree at the University.” People tend to be impartial about you, and you tend to be impartial about them, but partial credit in this class won’t get you any closer to your degree. You’re down to earth, which is also what Air Force officers say after they’ve landed a plane. Keep doing you!

Image Credits: Helen Hutchinson