I imagine that most of you at this school are plagued by moments of self doubt. “Did I make the right choice coming here? What am I doing with my life? What is the point of living?” These questions are especially prevalent among those who have chosen to major in masochism—more commonly known as “pre-med” or “engineering.” Now, tell me, do you really want to whittle away your precious hours on Earth like that? I think not! But, you now wonder, “What else can I possibly do?”

The answer lies with the Individual Studies Program and the key to my (and your) success: Minecraft Streaming. You may now be wondering, “Steve, is that actually a viable major? And once I graduate, how will I pay my bills or deal with the nuclear apocalypse? Do I even have what it takes?”

Good questions! It’s true that there are some challenges involved, especially since I don’t have a charming voice, a handsome cast of friends, or a body that could be featured in Maxim—and chances are, neither do you. But fear not, fearless Terp! So what if Minecraft is essentially LEGOs for the unimaginative? The advantages over other majors are staggering. You can set your own work schedule. Meet new people who may or may not be scumbag cheaters. And never work a day in your life, so long as Medicaid remains afloat.

Convinced yet? If so, what are you waiting for? Start staging those Speedrunner vs. Hunters videos. Gun up your Twitter, overpriced merch store, and Patreon. If I, Steve Notch, get my way, Archive of Our Own’s Minecraft and Video Blogging RPF sections are going to double in size, with all their stories of [REDACTED] and [CENSORED] and [OH GOD MY EYES – editor].

Anyway, it’s time for me to get back to my stream. My three viewers are waiting, and I’d hate to disappoint my family even more than I already have.

Image Credits: Devon Wilkes