Old Town is home to 52 fraternities and sororities, but after months of deliberation, the University of Maryland has decided to add another chapter to the campus’s Greek life.

The Hare’s good friend (sworn enemy), the Diamondback (DBK), has officially become UMD’s 53rd chapter: Delta Beta Kappa. This news broke just weeks after the DBK scandal surrounding their involvement in the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand.

The DBK began its transition to a sorority this year with its first “Open House”, synonymous with the recruitment phase of rush. Internal sources informed the Hare how DBK editors and other ranking members of the former club engaged in manipulative processes coaxing naive underclassmen to join DBK.

“We witnessed the editors tell all these freshmen about the ‘greatness’ of the Diamondback,” said Hare insider, Jack Goff, “They rambled about being a respected paper, with fair pay and an easily manageable workload. The editors straight up lied to these guys, we all know how they’re full of shit.”

The DBK rush continued with staff writer applications: a harsh process in which prospective writers provide their prior experiences and skills to apply to be part of the DBK, through a Google form.

The final rush event, bid day, is different for the DBK. From the applicant pool for staff writers, editors deliberate for minutes on the prospective writers and decide which unfortunate recruits join the cult. Our sources tell us, “Although no bid day activities ensue as of yet, once they have their first official rush, there’ll be no limits to what will transpire on bid day.”

The DBK applied to join the universities Fraternity and Sorority Life after the Merrill School of Journalism Dean, Lucy Dalglish announced she is stepping down from her role. Our insiders told the Hare more on the debacle between the former dean and the DBK.

“The DBK felt freed once the former dean stepped down. They’ve been wanting to become an official sorority for years now but never felt like it was feasible with the current rules set in place by the dean,” Goff informed the Hare, “With new leadership in the journalism school, the DBK can express the true purpose of their club.”

[Editor’s Note: Any purpose is a farce, the DBK only wants to destroy the planet]

Although not everyone is pleased with the change, according to former DBK staff writer(s).

“The obnoxiously serious attitude they take for their paper was because they held themselves to the standard of the fucking New York Times even though they’ve acted like a sorority for years, it’s disgusting,” said a former DBK staff writer. The transition from club to sorority is the first for the University of Maryland and will have major repercussions for other clubs on campus. It is likely other clubs will follow suit and officialize their cliques.

Delta Beta Kappa will officially be listed as a sorority by the university starting for the 2023-2024 academic year and must apply to all the rules and regulations imposed by the University of Maryland’s Division of Student Life: Fraternity and Sorority Life. These regulations being: do whatever the fuck you want, and we will turn a blind eye.

Image Credits: Clare Dombrosky