Welcome back to another electrifying week of legally ambiguous sports gambling! With the nail biting ending of the Ravens vs Bills game absolutely crushing my spirit, I have made the executive decision to start adding NCAA picks to this fabulous section, giving fans a break from Baltimore’s weekly reenactment of the 2017 Falcons. Due to 1 in 4 Terps leaving football games after the first quarter, I’ll try my hardest to stay away from putting money on the Terrapins, but no promises after Saturday’s victory. Let’s give those bookies a run for their money! -Bennett Sellers, Hare Writer and Depressed Ravens Fan

10/8/2022, 12:00 PM, TCU Horned Frogs @ Kansas Jayhawks, TCU -7 After TCU kicked Oklahoma’s (General) Booty last weekend, expect the same thing to happen in the upcoming Kansas game this Saturday. As the weather cools down, these horned frogs should be disturbingly aroused in the sweater weather. I would bet more on the booming Texas team if it weren’t for those Kansas cornerbacks. Don’t be surprised if we see at least one pick from Kansas, since those Jay men know how to grab some balls, and as a wise man once said, ‘’everything is bigger in Texas’’. Not too much of a worry for Max Duggan, who looked like the second coming of Lamar Jackson with his 67 yard rushing touchdown last Saturday. Those frog legs got a kick to ‘em!

10/8/2022, 4:00 PM, Ohio State Buckeyes @ Michigan State Spartans, Ohio State -25 Watching MSU’s hideous defense attempt to contain the godly Terrapins offense last Saturday, I’m fairly certain we’re going to see them get blown out by CJ Stroud and the Buckeyes. The Buckeyes are one of the best teams in college football, going 5-0 on the season despite their flaws of having the creepiest mascot in the NCAA and their former running back being investigated for allegedly using fake money in a columbus strip club. Rumors have it that Ohio State’s demented monkey lookin-ass mascot originated as a failed Mr. Potato Head prototype, which Hasbro sold to the Buckeyes in 1952. Stroud will look to pick apart MSU’s defense, as the Ohio State mascot serves as nightmare fuel for children in the stands.

10/9/2022, 1:00 PM, LA Chargers @ CLE Browns, LA -3.5 If you keep up with the news and by the news, I mean what’s trending on Twitter and Yik Yak, you’ve seen the Antonio Brown video. Brown’s team have admitted that they purposefully leaked the jarring video to get noticed by any desperate NFL team who is crazy enough to give him another chance. A Hare insider reports that AB plans to sign with the factory of sadness Cleveland Browns and will start against the Chargers Sunday. The CTE-ridden human mistake and Vontaze Burficit’s victim that is Brown will most likely lose Cleveland 100+ yards in penalties and get arrested in the process, handing the win to Los Angeles.

10/9/2022, 1:00 PM, ATL Falcons @ TB Buccaneers, ATL + 7.5 If you play fantasy football, you have one thing and one thing only on your mind: “how has Kyle Pitts been such a bust?” The answer is clear, Falcons head coach Arthur Smith obviously has been playing against him in his own fantasy leagues. He must have gone against opponents starting Pitts in weeks 1, 2, and 4, only letting the star tight end get a handful of looks across the three games. But as one could imagine, managing 4 fantasy leagues seems like a bit too much, even for a NFL head coach. There’s no way Smith will be playing against Pitts this week, giving him a large target share and allowing the second year TE out of Florida to carry this Falcons offense against a washed up Tom Brady. Even without Pitts, Brady seems too preoccupied with his marital problems and Antonio Brown putting the moves on his wife to play a good game of football.

Locks of Hare Total Record: 2-2

Image Credits: Joseph Kleinman