After a recent series of long-range missile tests, North Korea announced today the launch of a cruise line, Democratic People’s Cruises (DPC). The state-run Korean Central News Agency released the following announcement showing a glimpse of what guests can expect: 

“Democratic People’s Cruises was founded on three promises: you will have enough food to eat, be free to speak your mind, and have a good time! To these ends, our lead ship, the *Peaceful Atomic*, is powered by advanced coal-fired generators and can provide its guests up to two meals a day. We also have a variety of amenities, such as fax machines to let you stay in touch with your surveillance officer.”

DPC will take its guests on a wide-ranging tour of the Pacific Ocean, visiting locations such as the Korean Demilitarized Zone, the Taiwan Strait, and other flashpoints for World War III. International tourists are welcome, although the *Peaceful Atomic* will enforce strict COVID-19 measures, including immediate offboard disposal of those testing positive for the virus. There are also strict rules against stealing posters, also punishable by immediate disposal. 

Despite the seemingly harsh rules, Democratic People’s Cruises is widely expected to outperform traditional competitors such as Carnival and Costa due its starting price point of $200, 0.005 bitcoin, or five years of hard labor.

In unrelated news, the U.S. Navy posted an announcement that it possesses fifty fast attack submarines and it would be a shame “if a torpedo misfired at a ship belonging to a country that we’re still technically at war with”.

Image Credits: Clare Dombrosky