Following a string of recent victories in the Democratic primaries, Senator Bernie Sanders (I-VT) was reported to spontaneously created a sentient psychic avatar around himself and millions of followers, enveloping nearly the entire United States in the raw, unfiltered glow of democratic socialism. 

Powered by the raw passion of countless Bernie Bros, the avatar has utterly defied science, logic, and math much like its progenitors. It spans several million or billion or trillion feet, as people don’t know the difference anymore (at least if the national debt is any indication). Those in its embrace allegedly hear continuous, angelic chanting of “MEDICARE FOR ALL”, “GREEN NEW DEAL”, and “FREE COLLEGE”, among other campaign slogans. Its reach is vast, but it is most concentrated at key locations such as universities and Starbucks cafes. 

The avatar has overwhelmed Senator Sanders’ competitors for the nomination, trapping Joe Biden and Tulsi Gabbard in an ethereal gulag, while utterly destroying Michael Bloomberg’s soul, the billionaire simply unable to coexist in the same reality. An eyewitness reported that Bloomberg attempted to pay the avatar in exchange for supporting him instead, but it had no use for his literal truckload of hundred dollar bills. Elizabeth Warren is yet unheard from; whether she joined with the avatar or was annihilated remains to be seen.

The Hare’s preeminent science team believes that the avatar continues to grow in strength. All Republicans, reactionaries, and big corporations are urged to remain on high alert.

Image Credits: Lev Axler